The Big Spoof
by elohiniar
Summary: What happens when the characters find out about Fanfiction and fandom norms? Hilarity! Please review! NOMINATED BEST PARODY ON TUMBLR! The gang discuss fandom norms that have captivated and driven the fandom for years and they aren't happy.


**I couldn't help but write this. It was a stressful day and I needed to laugh.**

The group was relieved. The battle with Naraku finally ended. Everyone found peace and rest. Rin was left in the village with Kaede. Jaken and Sesshomaru continued their wandering, looking for great power and to build his kingdom. Inuyasha and Kagome started a life together. Miroku and Sango began having children. It all seemed as if life had finally calmed down. That was until...

"Eh Sesshomaru-sama...we've been wandering for 80 years since I met you," Jaken trails behind Sesshomaru. "Why don't we just go to the Western Lands?"

"What?" Sesshomaru turns around.

"You know, the Western Lands? where your father ruled. Don't you have a fancy estate somewhere with lots of rooms and-" he is cut off by claws wrapping around his throat.

"What is this estate you speak of?" Sesshomaru snarls at Jaken.

"Why are you talking so weird?" Jaken coughs through the pain.

"I am speaking how I always speak," Sesshomaru retorts.

"Ok...well according to all the fanfiction, you live in the Western Lands," Jaken holds up his iphone armed with the fanfiction app. "See, all of them. You live in the Western Lands and apparently say hn, a lot."

"Hn?"

"Hn."

"Hn?"

"Hn," Jaken waves his arms up and down.

"What is hn?" Sesshomaru drops Jaken onto the ground.

"I don't know. Can we go to the Western Lands?" Jaken begs, "my feet hurt."

Sesshomaru takes his own phone out and calls Totosai, "what are the Western Lands?"

"Um...hang on. I'm going to figure out how to use the volume," Totosai scratches his head. "Okay I figured it out. What's the what?"

"Western Lands?" Sesshomaru repeats himself.

"Your father was the ruler of the West," Totosai answers between breaths of fire as he beats a sword in front of him.

"Why have I been wandering for 200 years since his death if he has lands in the West?" Sesshomaru can't believe it. The manga and the anime clearly stated that he was making his own empire. Who the heck spends 200 years wandering if they have land. Maybe he needed to call Rumiko Takahashi again.

"You want your father's lands?" Totosai asks confused. "But there are humans there. And aren't you supposed to mark a mate or something like that first?" The old man inquires.

"Mark a mate?" Sesshomaru wrinkles his nose confused. "What is this marking..."

"Maybe call Inuyasha," Totosai abruptly hangs up the phone.

"We go to the village," Sesshomaru blandly informs Jaken.

The green imp jumps onto Sesshomaru's tail. They land in the village shortly after. Sesshomaru finds Inuyasha by his scent leading to the plain hut where he lives with his human. "Sesshomaru-sama!" The familiar sound of feet come running up to him. It's Rin, glad to see he is visiting again.

Sesshomaru lets himself into Inuyasha's hut without knocking, "what is the mating mark?"

"Why are you talking like that?" Inuyasha asks him. "Mating mark? Oh, you've been on fanfiction haven't you?"

Sesshomaru remains quiet. He failed to notice before his entry that the hut is currently full of their other human friends. The Monk Miroku, the Slayer Sango, Shippo and somehow Naraku.

"Jaken," Miroku's face falls into his hands. "We told you not to go on there again. Every time you go, you think everything you read is canon."

Sango sits down next to Miroku, "mating mark is when you bite the neck of your chosen mate," Sango explains resting her chin in her hand.

"What are we vampires?" Inuyasha harrumphs and joins everyone at the table. "Oooh baby let me bite your neck."

"That makes no sense," Kagome shakes her head laughing, "you would sever a major artery or vein and then kill your human mate...mate? Really?"

"They are dog demons," Miroku offers.

"Dogs bite on the shoulder and chins to show submission. Since when is Sesshomaru submissive?" Inuyasha tries to look innocent. He's been learning to use google. "When would I be that submissive?"

They all agree.

"I mean if we were showing dominance we would bite on the nose," Inuyasha adds.

"Yeah but that would hurt and just look weird...and how sexy is that to bite someone's nose?" Kagome wonders. Secretly she has been on the site a few times too.

"Don't dogs pee on things to mark their territory?" Shippo asks.

Silence pervades the dark hut and the chirp of crickets.

"Okay maybe mating marks sound better," Inuyasha concedes sadly.

"Hey it captivated the fandom. Don't complain," Miroku smiles while his hand slides down Sango's backside. He is nearly to her plump round cheek before she turns the back of her fist against the cheek on his face. Being married sucks sometimes. She won't let him grope her in public still.

"So...you'd bite a human mate? They would bleed out and die and this is romantic?" Sango asks.

"You should see the stories," Jaken jumps up and down excitedly, "it's so romantic. Sesshomaru-sama finds his mate and..." Suddenly everyone is looking at him. He won't say why he loves reading stories about Sesshomaru-sama. Secretly he has been looking for stories that star he and Sesshomaru and only he and Sesshomaru.

"Okay...what other stuff is written on this app?" Rin comes forward happily finding a place next to Sesshomaru-sama.

"Let's look," Kagome whips out her iphone 11, which for the price gets amazing reception all the way through the well to the past which everyone calls the Feudal Era which isn't exactly accurate because that started in the 1600's. But who cares, it sounds cool. "Ooh look at this Sesshomaru has a talking inner demon!" She squeals in delight.

"I think they call that schizophrenia." Miroku laughs to himself.

"No I think that's dissociative identity disorder." Kagome is trying to remember what she learned from High School Psychology.

"This Sesshomaru suffers from no such ailment," he crosses his arms stubbornly, regretting coming to the village. _Damn Ken Narita, he should have demanded more from my character._

"Sesshomaru-sama would never have such a problem! He's perfect!" Rin says joyously.

"Rin, aren't you supposed to be in a corner crying somewhere?" Jaken asks her.

"Why?" The child is only now learning to read.

"Because that's what you do. That's how you make Sesshomaru-sama love you." Sango giggles covering her mouth.

"Why?" Rin is thoroughly confused.

"Because you're a weak little girl!" Miroku bellows before blanching at Sesshomaru who is giving him dagger looks.

"I'm not weak!" Rin protests, "does no one remember that one time I faced down a horde of demons to get the thousand year berries for Jaken-sama? Or the one time I told Sesshomaru-sama off for leaving me in the village? Or the other time in the third movie when I threw beads at the ogre and saved Kagome-sama? I dumped water on Sesshomaru-sama's head in the freaking manga! Why didn't viz studios digitize that shit!?"

"Go in the corner and cry..." Sango points to the nearest corner inflecting her mom voice.

"About what?" Rin stomps her foot as she trudges to the corner.

"You'll figure it out," Inuyasha lifts his chopsticks to eat his rice.

"And this will make Sesshomaru-sama love me?" Rin wonders. That's strange.

"Definitely. In a few chapters, you'll be mated, marked and living forever," Kagome says it almost too happily.

Sesshomaru's mouth is on the floor, looking rather undignified for a demon of his strength. Although he did leave her that kimono and she is eleven. He covers his face with this hand, _don't bring that up again. Don't bring that up again. Freaking Viz studios making assatte. At least everyone thought she was 14 in that._

"So how does biting someone on the neck make them live forever?" Miroku inquires earnestly.

"It's so romantic," Sango swoons. "When the demon bites your neck, you take on his life-span and he yours. Oh," she exhales with fluttering eye-lashes, "true love."

"Thank Kami that never happened to us," somehow Toga and Izayoi have entered the hut. They sit on the far wall, away from Naraku who is shrinking in a corner and picking his toes. "If that had happened Rumiko Takahashi wouldn't have a story to tell." Izayoi plops down in Toga's lap laughing.

"Mom, dad what are you doing here?" Inuyasha's golden spheres can't handle the visage of his dead parents. He rubs his eyes.

"This is fanfiction honey, anything can happen," Izayoi explains. "But seriously, if my life were tied to Toga's he would have died in the first five minutes of the third film when Takemaru killed me...then we would have to explain why he didn't and brought me back with Tenseiga and then shouldn't I have died instead of getting away from the burning hut?"

"Yeah, you would have dropped dead," Toga pats her head fondly.

"And I would have killed Inuyasha," Sesshomaru flexes his claws almost too happily.

"Then what would have happened to the show?" Shippo asks.

"Well...I don't know, maybe they would make like Fox Entertainment did with the X-men and do an alternate reality reboot?" Kagome shrugs her shoulders.

Sango is flipping through her own iphone. Her mouth is on the floor. "This is so not cool!? Kagome! Why are you the one with the most reviews, follows and favorites? What the hell? And you aren't even with Inuyasha!"

"I'm not?" Kagome grabs her phone and scrolls through the top listed stories, "okay why would I go out with him," she points a finger at Sesshomaru. "Did your inner demon tell you I'm hot?"

Sesshomaru is quietly going over sword forms in his head, really, really regretting coming to the village.

"Your inner demon better stay in your pants," Inuyasha snarls at his brother. "What the hell?" He glowers at the cellphone proof that at one point in the last decade he was dethroned as Kagome's main lover.

"Why does Kagome get all the guys?" Sango changes the search parameters, "I mean there are like half as many stories about me and Miroku."

"What do you mean?" Kagome is intrigued.

"I mean look, somehow it's more popular for you and Sesshomaru to be together, but then there are stories about you and Inuyasha and then you and Toga and you and Naraku...and wow...you get around," Sango is slightly jealous.

"Really? So I get you and you and your dad?" Kagome jumps for joy. Then immediately stops as Inuyasha begins sulking.

"And sometimes me," Naraku's sinister voice whispers from the fading fire of the hearth.

"Ewww, now that's really gross." Kagome shivers at the thought.

"I thought you liked Kikyo?" Inuyasha wraps a defensive arm around Kagome's waist.

"She's dead," Naraku reminds them brushing his wavy black hair with his fingers.

"So are you," Shippo jumps on Sango's shoulder.

"Since when does that matter?" Naraku argues picking lint from his toes.

"Yeah, has anyone seen those profiles that run around spamming all the Rin and Sesshomaru stories about how evil they are because they aren't writing Sesshomaru and Kagura?" Jaken finds them and everyone starts laughing.

"Kagura is dead," Sesshomaru says almost sadly before he regains his composure.

"Exactly..." Naraku gloats.

"I'm dead too," Toga shrugs.

"So am I," Izayoi kisses Toga's chin.

"I died twice," Rin raises her hand proudly.

"Why aren't you crying in the corner?" Sango screams at her.

"I tried, I got bored," Rin folds her arms over her chest and kicks at the dirt. "This is stupid," she whines to herself. "Why can't I be a warrior?"

"Because you're weak, stupid girl," Jaken fumbles Nintojo dropping it on the ground.

"And you couldn't hit the broad-side of an ogre Jaken-sama. Rumiko only wrote you in for comic relief. At least I had a purpose," Rin picks a rock up and throws it at Jaken's head.

"Okay...this doesn't make any sense," Miroku stares at the dead people that have joined them in the hut. "You're all dead."

"Maybe we're ghosts, ooooh," Toga giggles spookily.

"Just think of all the crevices I can get into as a ghost," Naruku taps the pads of his fingers together excitedly.

"Whoah! This is so not rated for your fantasy life!" Inuyasha jumps up, "did you not read the description. K plus. Keep your miasma in your own crevices."

"Fine," Naraku moans defeated.

"Wow," Kagome continues reading summaries, "I'm the most popular female in the series, especially with Sesshomaru. Sorry Rin...and Inuyasha."

"Sesshomaru-sama? What's Inucest?" Somehow Rin filched his iphone, downloaded the app and started her own search.

"In the corner and cry!" Sango yells at the top of her lungs.

"Be nice to her! She can't take stress remember?" Kagome runs to Rin's aide brushing her hair. "She's too sweet and innocent! She must always be happy, live forever and never face sorrow. It's not fair."

"Why?" Sango flashes back.

"Because hello..." Kagome expects everyone to understand what that means.

Sesshomaru quickly removes his phone from the girl's hands and nearly throws up whatever it is he eats because it was never specifically mentioned in the anime or the manga. _Dear Kami in heaven..._he will now write another vehement letter to Rumiko Takahashi.

"Oh yeah, it's the latest rage. You either end up with Kagome, Rin after she cries enough. For god's sake Rin cry or I'll give you something to cry about!" Sango's eyes are circled in black from long nights of her out of control children not sleeping. "Either after Kagome and Rin die or because it's cool."

Sesshomaru's mouth is dry. He should have let it go at the Western Lands. Now he really, really, really, really regrets coming to the hut. He is rubbing his head. So he is meant to live in the West, bite a girl's neck, they live forever but if one of them dies, they both die, but he still can't wrap his head around that. He takes his phone out and strides out of the hut.

"Where are you going?" Inuyasha chases after him.

"I'm calling Rumiko Takahashi," he flies into the air more confused than when he came.

"Think he'll get through?" Shippo asks holding Inuyasha's hand.

"I've been calling for years asking to make a few clarifications. She's moved on to other fandoms," Inuyasha returns to the hut.

"Think I have a chance with Kagome?" Shippo asks excitedly. "If I bite her now, will she live forever?

Inuyasha belts him in the head leaving a large bump.

The End

**The End**

**Please Review :)**


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